Splish Splash Sprain
About a week or so ago, I fell while showering.
No one else was home.
Just me, a blubbering mess, like a very large baby in the fetal position, on the floor of my bathtub.
All by my lonesome.
It wasn't my best look. I mean, I've been prettier.
Imagine the Kim K ugly cry with a touch of Dory doing her "whale" voice in Finding Nemo.
That about sums it up.
When I've told people, they've all asked if I was on my way in, or getting out...
I was standing in the bathtub, minding my business, soaping up my legs.
I think I remember taking a slight step (like, the tiniest step) and my left big toe truly just went rogue and decided it would now like to visit underneath my foot.
So, that’s what it did. It bent completely underneath my foot. Now, that's as gross as it gets, so don't leave me now.
I watched this happen. Stared. I'm pretty certain it was all in slow-motion, because I had the time to think, "Oh wow, I just broke that."
It's amazing how many things you can think of as you're uncontrollably free-falling in the bath tub.
And, that's exactly what I was doing.
Because my toe went down, so did I.
I did some sort of graceful pirouette and landed all my weight on my left side-thigh.
Of all the places to land, not a bad spot. This is why you should love your no-gap thighs, ladies!
Thick thighs save lives.
Of course, the water is still running in the shower.
I slosh around for a few seconds, upon landing, as if I'm going down a waterpark tunnel.
And then I WAILED.
I continued howling for a little bit, until I managed to get what composure I had left together. Y'all, I cry all the time for emotional reasons (sad, happy, mad, etc), but crying as an adult, face full of shampoo lather, sideways in the bathtub is a very vulnerable place to be, friends.
I was able to stand, rinse my hair and body, got dressed and headed straight for the couch.
The toe was swelling a bit and on its way to a very nice shade of purple. I started R-I-C-E-ing as soon as I could, in-between tear-filled moments.
Coach finally got home, so I could act like a baby in front of another person.
I'm pretty glad he wasn't there at the time of the fall. I don't think I really would have wanted anyone to hear whatever noise that whole catastrophe sounded like.
Again, it wasn't cute.
$200+ and a fancy hard-bottom shoe later, I was assured by a doctor that nothing was broken, but it was a bad sprain.
Y’all, I sprained my toe; how lame does that sound?
I tell this tale of my minor tragic bathroom moment as a reminder for all of us to get some sort of grips on the bottom of our bathtubs. I still think my toe may have done that weird bend, no matter where I had been, but I could have prevented the full fall with some grip.
It's actually a miracle I didn't hit my head on something (I still can't figure out how I didn't), so I know I said this all jokingly, but it really could have been a much worse situation. Get some tread, friends!